how to make a good impression on your new neighbors

Personal stuff

We finally moved into our new house about 2 weeks ago and are almost unpacked. It took 3 full days of us moving ourselves in a little 14′ uhaul. My body has never hurt this badly and I think I have now developed arthritis in my hands! The days are long and there isn’t a lot of sleep happening around here with work and moving and not to mention my parents came to visit for 5 days right after we moved in!! yikes! We are settling into the house and discovering all the little details (good and bad) that we didn’t know about before we got here. We’ve pissed off more neighbors than I can count and I swear we brought every particle of dust and dirt between LA and Long Beach into our house with us.

About the neighbors…our first full day of moving ended late and as we pushed the ramp in on the truck and pulled the door down and then had to start it and move it out of the driveway and onto the street it was crazy loud. The neighborhood is really quiet, the uhaul truck not so much. I looked back and saw our next door neighbor on her porch in a pink robe squinting with a scowl on her face. Ok, so we are not off to a great start, but whatever, I was too tired to care. Then the next day I took our dogs for their first walk in the neighborhood before we drove back to our place in LA for another load to bring down. Well of course we got all the way down the street before I realized I didn’t have any bags! So I tried to rush us back to our house hoping they wouldn’t have to do their business until we got back to our yard. nope. Out of all the houses we passed the first dog picked the one with the guy pulling in his driveway at that very moment. I had to apologize and promised to get the bags and come back to clean it up. He seemed irritated but seemed to give me the benefit of the doubt. I told the dogs to get going hoping they would hurry home and not embarrass me again with this crap! literally. no. such. luck. 2nd dog decides he can only make it until we get to the house with the woman carrying her groceries in. excellent. Again I apologized profusely and said I just had to run back to my house – that one up on the corner…right…there – she wasn’t buying it and gave me the dirtiest look and a disapproving shake of the head. Well, now that all that was taken care of we were free to run back. I went and found some bags and went back, but OF COURSE neither of them were still outside and I haven’t seen either one since.

So if that wasn’t bad enough, the dogs are completely confused as to what is going on and are a bit out of control on over-protective mode. They have been barking at everything that moves anywhere in the vicinity of our house and not just barking….BARKING….barking so loud and ferociously that all our neighbors must think we have attack dogs, hell I think we have attack dogs. When they aren’t scaring the bejesus out of everyone because leaves are blowing across the yard then they are in the house howling – all 3 of them in unison – at the top of their little lungs.

oh.my.god.kill.me.now.

Now that we have really impressed our neighbors we decided to take it up a notch.

My fiance builds and sells golf clubs so this morning he was going to go golfing super early and decided to build a club to take with him. So he was up super early – 5am – and needed to melt a plastic part off of the shaft he was installing before he left. This is pretty normal, so he was out in the garage doing his thing and I was sound asleep in the nice warm bed. well…..this time the little plastic thing caught on fire (not typical) and so the fiance blew it out only for it to fill the garage with smoke. The smoke detector went off and he turned it off and opened the garage door to air out and thought everything was fine.

This is where the fun begins….I am jolted out of bed by our alarm system going off. I was unaware that the alarm system was even hooked up and even more confused that it was going off, I was pressing every button I could think of to make it stop! It said alarm sensor 8 garage…at this point I had no idea of what had taken place in that garage just before that, so I run out to the garage and tell M. what is going on, he comes running in and the system keeps blarring and the screen says to enter the code!! WTF??!!! seriously WTF – we don’t have any damn code!! What is it doing?? Then the alarm started talking along with blarring I guess in case you can’t read the screen it speaks the warning to you. Amidst all this and us screaming at each other over the alarm about what the f*ck are we supposed to do and did you know this thing was hooked up. I was looking through the kitchen drawer the previous owner had left with all the manuals and warranties for the stuff in the house, grab the book and flip to default codes, but it lists like 12 different ones. THEN a knock at the door…it is our neighbor across the street on the phone with the alarm system company. Apparently she was the back up person to call if the owners didn’t answer (which they didn’t because that phone number had been disconnected) we told them it was a false alarm and there was no fire.

too late.

the fire department was on its way.

You have got to be kidding me.

30 seconds later the fire truck rolled up in front of our house lights flashing, but thankfully no sirens.

Now the bright side of this is the fire department showed up very quickly and that is a great thing to know. The other side of that coin is the firemen looked super pissed off and might not come quite so quickly next time. He didn’t give a crap that we had just moved in and didn’t know the code to disarm the smoke detector from signaling to call the fire department. Lights were coming on in the houses around us to see what all the commotion was about, oh just us – your new neighbors!!

fuck me.

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6 thoughts on “how to make a good impression on your new neighbors

  1. This was my first time reading your blog, and I have to say, man…what a horrible yet hilarious way to start off in a new neighbourhood. Good luck to you!

  2. OMG!!! I read this to Carl and we almost peed our pants! Hammacher Schlmmer has a bird house dog barker deterrant that really works. I am so happy you got moved in and your neighbors will love ya soon enough. love ya

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